I was really confused how to start my conversation with Elaine, the newcomer in my room. She seems very busy the whole day. She appears to be very serious and bold. But I was less bothered about her these days since I was busy with my assignments. So I was confused how to start up a conversation with her after being so indifferent. And that evening, I took my book and went to study hall to prepare for my presentation. I was really prejudiced about her. By seeing her we cannot claim anything wrong in her behavior. She really looks as if she is matured. By the way, I stay beside her with my books. She kicked off the conversation by aking whether I am a Christian.
Irine: Yes, I am. How could you trace it out?
Elaine: With the help of the rosary that you wear.
Irine: Oh, that's nice. Why are you here actually?
Elaine: I am working as a nurse in CMS hospital. And I am also doing my M.B.A here.
Irine: Oh, that's nice. But, it will be really hard for you to manage both. Right?
Elaine: Yeah, it is.. But I have to deal with both. I have an aim in my life. I have to Keep the promise that I had given to my father.
She said as if she is determined. I was so surprised to notice her boldness in her voice. I felt as if she will achieve it anyhow. And everything was understood from her voice itself.
Elaine, you might be a Christian right? I asked.
Elaine: Nope, I am a Hindu. Actually my name was Keerthi. I was baptised and now I am Elaine.
Irine: Then what was the reason for you to switch your religion to Christianity?
Elaine: Well, I hate many deeds followed by Hindus like astrology. And there was certain reasons for me to change my religion.
Irine: If you don't mind could you please explain? I would like to listen to you.
Elaine: There is nothing good in my life for you to listen nor you to follow. Nor, it is not at all interesting and it's highly boring with lot of miseries and sufferings to cry on. Then why are you asking me to narrate it?
Irine: I feels like to listen to you. And I had noticed you many times crying while listening to songs. Even your music collections are those that makes us cry. All of them are sad songs. Normally the songs that we choose to listen will be based on our moods. Rock songs when we are in party mood. Melody and romantic songs when we Feel like to romance. Sad songs when you are sad. And I never noticed you listening to any other songs other than sad songs. So I realised that you have some problems with in you.
Elaine: Well, you are so good in observing people and understanding them.
Telling you about my story, I have to start from the beginning itself.
It was the promise that I made to my father when he dies.. I was in seventh when that happens.
I was back from school for December vacation after my exams. I was really happy thinking the vacation that I am going to celebrate. I started preparing my plans to visit my grandmother, cousins, friends etc. My father had promised me that he will present me a cycle if I bag first position in the class. So, I was thrilled awaiting the result for the first time in my life. I was sure that I will bag it since I tried my best.
That evening, I planned to go to my grandmother's house in Neelgiri. Me, my mom and my siblings packed our dresses in a small bag inorder to stay there for few days. We said goodbye to our father. He was busy working in the farm when we stepped out from there. He too said goodbye. We walked to bustop to get the bus. The train was at 5.30 pm. We got a limited stop bus and was happy that we will reach railway station in time. We reached there 15minutès earlier. I took the tickets. It takes a day to each Neelgiri. Finally we reached Neelgiri. There we saw our grandmother Susain. She was weird for me. It was after a long that I met her. She was stubborn, but also was so kind and caring. She gave me lot of bakery items that she made. She took me along with her and showed me the whole house. She took me to the farm and introduced me the fruits that she grows there. She explained details about each and every cross that she grows there. She look at my hair and insisted me to apply oil in my hair since ît was very rough. She told me that for girls hair makes them beautiful, so you should care your hair. I agreed with all what she told. I listened to her like a child. I loved her advise. I loved being near to her. She was very gorgeous even at her old age. A woman of morals, highly religious and spiritual. She told me lot of funny stories that happened in her life. Lot of funny things that others did. She was such a hilarious person. We laugh until our stomach aches. It was fun being with her.It was for the first time in my life that I was with my grandmother and I just loved it.
My parents were married without the concern of their parents. It was a love marriage which was considered as a greatest sin during that time. By the way, we was back to our native place. And my father was waiting with a car to pick us. I was suffering from fever and was shivering. May be because of the change in the climate there. My mother was scared when my condition was worst. I don't know why, I normally keep silent when I am sick. So, when my mom enquires whether I am alright I always keep quiet and we always keep fighting over that. Sometimes I even felt her enquiries as disturbing and highly irritating. But this time, she didn't made a fight and treated me like a small baby.
I always wonder how could mothers understand the silence of babies, their troubles, problems, diseases from a single sound that they make and how could they read the faces of babies by staring at their faces. But I also wonder,why they fails to do the same when their children are grown up? May be because babies are innocent and while growing up they loose their innocence that they once had.
We saw our car near a car parking board and got into it. My father always note me and catch me up very easily than my mother. He asked, why are you shivering? Do you have fever? And kept his palm on my forehead. He told me that he may take me to hospital in the evening after reaching home. And during our way, he seemed nervous. He was speaking to my mom about our land that he was trying to sell from last year onwards. But, one way or the other it always ends up in a fiasco. We were having loans to pay which we had taken to build our house. He was so tensed about that. We could manage things well if we were able to sell that land.. But..
That evening we went to hospital to get medicines. And while returning to our house, he started advicing me as usual. Elaine, we can't live without a job now a days. There is no scope in agriculture. It won't help us to make a living since no crops have its value. Everyone is exploiting farmers and their hardwork always ends up in vain. So you should study well and get a job so that I can be proud of my daughter one day. I just listened to his words agreeing with all what he says.. There was such a bond between us. I loved him more than anything else in this world. He was such a great person I had ever seen. He taught me to be myself, he was my inspiration to stand up when I fall down. He was my guide, teacher and what not. He was the one whom I admire all my life. He meant the whole world to me. No words can describe my love for him. And when he was gone, the whole world seems to fade away. Nothing stood before me and I was covered with the darkness. No light didn't dare to slide by my side. Indeed I was taken away with the darkness.. to the dark caves and dark tunnels that once I was afraid of..
After a deep breath Elaine continued by cleaning her tearstained eyes with a towel.
He was talking about his future plans, his dreams, about our life and so on. I was listening to him passively looking at the greeneries that pass on. Suddenly he stopped talking and made a sudden break, the vehicle had stopped suddenly. It shooked me from my dream world. It made me to bent forward and my head hit the glass. Few drops of blood came out from my head. And when I scanned to see what happened I didn't find any vehicle in the opposie side and I started to blame him for his careless driving. And I was bit late to notice him. When I looked at him I stopped all of a sudden.
Teardrops were flowing down from his eyes. Was he crying?
I just looked again. His hands were kept on his chest and he was struggling to breathe. And his body moved in zigzag mode out of pain. I was out of my mind. I was not sure what was happening. I cried.. I had gone crazy.. I tried to pat him slowly and to ease him, I tried to erase his tears down. I told him not to worry and everything will be alright. I just kissed him and cried along with him. I was really helpless. I hold his hands as tight as I could. But.. Everything ends up within seconds..
I saw him taking a deep breath for the last and final time. He was struggling..and his hands were loosened from mine. And the hot from his body turns to be cold within no time. I can't.. I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to see his photo in the frames.. But... It just happened.
I shook him all over to see whether he was having a bit of life with him. But.. Things went wrong.. I was scared, I was shocked and was in a sort of limbo trying to decipher it. I was not able to believe my eyes.. My vibrant father, who always run around lies besides me calm and quiet passing off his breath.
I just sat there as if I am dumb and deaf. Many vehicles passed by.
And many inquired what happened. It was hard for me to explain. I was searching for the words.. I breathed heavily.. Tears rolled down on my cheeks and everything was a blur.
I vaguely realised the vehicles that stopped near by my car enquiring what happened. Different people were having different opinions and explanations. Some asked me to give the number of someone that is close to me. I gave the number of my uncle..
Some came and hold me and some were planning to take my father to hospital. My uncle came and pick me. And my father was taken to hospital and his death was confirmed by doctors.
Someone over there told, Let's take the dead body to the home.
Body?? How dare they call my father dead body..?? How dare they are?? Home?? How could a building can be a home when your dear ones are not there waiting for your arrival? A home is a place where your family is.. Family members are alive and livelily. How could a building without no family members can be called as a home? I don't understand. My house without my father is just a building after àll, where no voices were heard, were no fights with siblings happens, where no talks and laughter occurs, where everyone eats mechanically, sees nightmares and sleeps hardly, life for us was a tragedy living for no reasons with no goals. For us we lived only to die. And is this life after all??
Telling this, tears rolled down from her cheeks.. She was trying harder to hide her tears and finally smiles out of pain. My eyes too were wet as if I victimised her whole story with my eyes. I was able to sense her pain.. She told me, I told you no, my story is not interesting..!
I told, itz ok.. I can understand..
You won't understand Irine, you won't... For that, you have to experience it in your life..
I felt as if those words struck my heart. There was nothing more left for me to tell.
I just looked around the study hall. There was no one left other than me and Elaine. She just looked on her watch and told, it's already 12.15 now. I think I interrupted your studies.. Sorry..!!
No, itz ok. I told.
Listening to her tragic story, I didn't felt like to study that day. So, I told a goodnight to her and took up my books to my room to sleep.
She also wished me the same and closed her books. She was also not in a good mood to study. We just lied down in our beds with opened eyes glancing at the stars through the window..
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